MOFFIT: Why we should require the U.S. Government to add hormone-disrupting BPA to all bottled water to “tame” men into being metrosexuals

Editor’s note: A. Moffit is our resident gender fluid progressive, and zhe thinks that BPA in bottled water is a benefit to society because it turns men into metrosexuals. Zhe calls it an “enrichment” and thinks plasticizer chemicals should be mandated in all bottled water. Yes, it sounds insane, and we don’t endorse this position, but we present it here so that you can stay informed of what progressives are thinking. Read and weep:   

New “enrichments” added to the water supply, in all forms, will help society prevent war, reduce domestic “disturbances,” and finally solidify equal rights women have so desperately been fighting for over the past century. Plastic chemicals (including bisphenol-A) and Atrazine (a pesticide that turns male frogs into females) are being considered beneficial now, and may soon be listed as “enrichments” or “societal accompaniments” in the most common liquid consumed by citizens of America – water.

The latest advanced scientific, food study developments are crossing gender fluidity with additives that have proven to be less of “contaminants” and more of beneficial and effective supplements that “boost feminine qualities in men,” thus adding to a more peaceful country that more appropriately respects the rule of law, which may soon be the United Socialist States of America.

Stop calling BPA, fluoride, and Atrazine contaminants – they’re now “enrichment additives” purposely put in all water to ensure peaceful rule and worldwide socialistic pansgenderism

In case you’re not up to speed, pansgender is a third gender now being fully recognized in the U.S. by those of us who are progressives, and it’s much like trigender, bigender, or “genderqueer.” Though food activists and raw “foodies” have been up in arms over the years about the fluoride that’s dripped in U.S. tap water causing cancer and brittle bones, many dentists still claim it’s good for your teeth. Well, now the science is settled on BPA and Atrazine as being more beneficial than harmful, and worth serving the “greater good.”

What’s that greater good, you ask? Well, that’s the phenomenal news that the long-term effects of consuming hormone “disruptors” (hate that word’s connotation) means less testosterone-filled hatred, less hate speech online, fewer bar brawls, fewer riots, fewer protests, and less war-mongering (which should ensure 100 percent peace across Earth).

The reason men are so violent is they don’t have enough hormone “enrichments” – new recommended daily MINIMUM allowance may soon be U.S. mandate

How much enrichment is needed for total peace and cooperation in the United States? That is the burning question scientists, doctors, and politicians alike all want to know as soon as humanly possible. Standards are now being considered for the RDMA (recommended daily minimum allowance). Once the FDA and USDA are on board, citizens could be randomly tested for appropriate levels in the urine and blood.

In order to assure the proper rule of law, metrosexuals must be promoted to the highest offices and leadership positions in the country, including running inspections at the regulatory agencies and adjusting the levels of enrichment additives to suit the social justice objectives.

Once men lose their power in the world, violence will dissipate, and socialism will feel normal – therefore enrichment additives are for the greater good

Sure, health activists and military-minded, ego-driven men will panic at first, but once they drink enough BPA and Atrazine, they’ll forget about trying to take everything they get their hands on apart, and they’ll stop trying to compete for their ego “trophies.” Today, men perpetrate most of the violence and fill most of the prisons. Social history reveals that men rule by strength and by the perpetual abuse of women. Since violence is less of a complex problem and more of one driven by testosterone, science has determined, through proof with frogs, that Atrazine is the perfect “drug” for fixing our broken, violent world.

Plus, even though fluoride has been shown to lower IQ and cause cancer, population density is a growing problem, so again, think of the greater good in using sodium fluoride in drinking water. Sure, there are already lots of chemicals and hormone “disruptors” in water and food, but who’s to say the cumulative effect isn’t a good one? The chemicals used in most plastics imitate the sex hormone estrogen, and the body thinks it’s the real thing, which is a phenomenal “end effect” for pansgenderism. BPA helps men grow breasts and enter puberty earlier, so we may even want to lower the voting age across the country to 12, which would benefit progressive causes.

While the men who hold power fight to keep it, enrichment additives will peacefully fly “under the radar” and convert them all into metrosexuals and pansgender-compliant citizens who are more concerned about fashion and social justice than fighting or abusing other humans, especially women. Men will no longer be “wired” to wage war, and the social dominance hierarchy will be dismantled, once and for all. It’s time for everyone to honor their front hole (even if they must pretend they have one) and embrace all chemical enrichment additives for the greater good of a Socialist America to be.

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